In the slapstick film The Great Race (1965), the Great Leslie, a dashing, turn-of-the-century daredevil, and his crew are stranded on a rapidly melting iceberg with arch-nemesis Professor Fate (boo! hiss!). Leslie takes daily measurements of the ice and privately expresses his concern to the cynical Professor:
Leslie: Thirty seven inches to go.
Fate: Oh, 37 inches to go. Huzzah! At the rate we’ve been melting, that’s good for about one more week!
Leslie: You’d better keep it to yourself.
Fate: Oh, of course I’ll keep it to myself. Until the water reaches my lower lip, and then I’m gonna mention it to SOMEBODY!
With both polar ice sheets melting at an alarming rate, a year full of record-breaking temperatures, droughts, massive wildfires, and dramatic killer storms, the American corporate media are still mum when it comes to climate change. Of all the news stories on the Colorado fire and Hurricane Sandy, none even mentioned climate change as a related issue. Although scientists the world over are in agreement as to the human causes of global warming (it’s no longer even an issue for debate), our media still has its head in the sand (or perhaps it’s more accurate to say, its mouth gagged). Meanwhile, the climate clock is ticking; each day scientists shake their heads over increasingly bad news that continues to sink their conservative models. While it is too late to head off the more immediate effects of rising temperatures (rising sea levels, disappearing islands, species extinctions, and more and more giant storms), it may not be too late to mitigate the even more dire long-range forecast, if we act now.
But that would take a miracle. It’s hard enough to get major industrial nations to work together, but having Big Oil (the most powerful force on the planet next to Satan himself) in the mix almost assures that nothing of any substance will be accomplished. That is, maybe, perhaps, until conditions get so bad that the water reaches our lower lips.
But for now, according to the corporate media, the major signs of the coming apocalypse are the yawning fiscal cliff and the demise of the Twinkie.
But take heart, here comes Seabiscuit. On a recent CBN broadcast, Pat Robertson made an earth-shattering, ex cathedra pronouncement. He actually admitted that Bishop Ussher’s 1654 timeline was “not inspired by the Lord,” so that the earth is not really 6,000 years old. Wow. In what is ironically quite a courageous statement for these Dark Ages we live in, Robertson announced that “if you fight revealed science, you’re going to lose your children.” I don’t think he meant it the way it sounded, but it’s quite prophetic really. Centuries too late on one level, but nonetheless prophetic on another.
So don’t fear. The church is on the march. At this rate we should be on target to issue an anachronistic apology about climate change by 2419. If there’s still anyone around to hear it, it will be just as stunning as the Vatican’s 1992 apology to Galileo.